Zaeed's Folly
by xxMrThorne729xx
Summary: Zaeed Massani receives a strange message from a man named Jack to join him on a planet called Pandora. Promises of riches and adventure are far too much for Zaeed to refuse. It may be the biggest mistake of his life.
1. Chapter 1

Commander Lacey Shepard sat at her desk preparing for a mission when there was a knock on her door.  
"Enter." She looked up and grinned as the scarred bounty hunter, Zaeed Massani walked in.  
"Zaeed, have a seat." She pointed to the couch. "What brings you to my room this time?"  
"Got an interesting ping on the extranet, Shepard. Some goddamn paper pusher wants bounty hunters to help him find something. Although he referred to me as a vault hunter." Zaeed shrugged. "Damned if I know what that means."  
Shepard tilted her head at him.  
"Vault hunter? Hmm."  
"Ever hear of the Hyperion Corporation or a planet called Pandora?"  
"No, can't say that I have. Where is Pandora?"  
"According to the message, far beyond the Far Rim. I don't know, Shepard. It sounds dodgy. What do you think?"  
"Well, how much is this guy going to pay you?"  
"That's the only reason I'm even thinking about this. I could bloody retire hundred times over."  
"Well, I guess the only question is, when do you leave?"  
Days later in the borrowed Normandy's Kodiak, Zaeed was approaching Pandora. It was mostly a desert planet, giving it a distinct brown color.  
"What the bloody hell?"  
Zaeed was pulling into an orbit pattern when he noticed the large crack on the surface and a cloud of purple mist flowing away from the planet. In orbit around the planet was a moon. Between them was a space station with a huge eye in the middle of two long rectangular branches, making the station look like a giant "H" in space. Zaeed was staring at the station when he realized he was receiving an alert that someone was hailing him.  
"Hey buddy. You finally made it. Zaeed, right? Welcome to Pandora. Vault Hunter. Took you long enough."  
"Yeah, I bloody well made it. You know how long it takes to get here from Sol? And why do you keep calling me 'vault hunter?' I'm a goddamn bounty hunter."  
"Bounty, vault, who cares? It's all the same to me. Name's Jack by the way."  
"Okay Jack, why'd you bring me here? What's going on?"  
"All in due time. I need you to get to the planet's surface and meet up with rest of the team. Then get on the shuttle to Helios."  
"Hey jackass. I like to have all the information before jumping into a situation. So, bloody tell me.."  
"WOULD YOU JUST PLEASE...look, there's a bit of an issue that I could use...oh son of a taint. Gotta go."  
The communication cut off abruptly. Zaeed lowered his head into his hands and sighed.  
"What did I get myself into, goddamnit?"


	2. Chapter 2

Zaeed approached the small settlement at the coordinates given to him by this Jack character. He almost turned the Kodiak around to head back to Sol. He didn't really need the money. Cerberus paid him enough to last a lifetime for that suicide mission that he and the rest of Shepard's crew miraculously survived.

"Screw this." He was reaching for the controls when the shuttle was rocked by an explosion.  
"What the fu..." He looked at his screen and saw that a battle has broken out. Someone saw his shuttle approaching and fired a rocket at him, taking out his engines. He was going to crash.  
"Goddamn it! Where's Joker when you bloody need him?" He wrestled with the controls to try and reduce the impact. He landed on the ground, bounced a few times before slamming into the side of rather broken down looking building on the edge of the town. During the crash he was thrown from his seat and slammed into the bulkhead.  
"Fuck me, that hurt." He pulled himself up and looked at his screen.  
"Oh fuck me." Dozens of crazy looking guys wearing masks were moving towards him, firing away. He checked his weapons, making sure he had enough thermal clips. He put on his Death Mask breather and opened the side hatch. A man jumped inside welding a makeshift axe, screaming. Zaeed lifted his shotgun and blasted him in the face, killing him instantly. Another one came around the corner of the shuttle.  
"Nobody kills my buddy, but me!"  
Zaeed dropped him just as fast as the first.  
"Who are these assholes?"  
He ran to the old building for cover. He noticed a small group in the middle of town, fighting off the masked men. He jumped in and out of cover, making his way to them, dropping attackers along the way. He had made it to the center of town and was about to join the group when he was cut off.  
"What the bloody hell?"  
In front of him stood a man, if you could call it that. He was massive, larger than any krogan Zaeed had laid eyes on. He had to have been at least eight feet tall. In his right hand was a giant metal pipe. His left arm was much smaller, barely coming past his chest and hung there, almost useless at his side. The man saw Zaeed and turned towards him.  
"You better run, little one!" The giant screamed at him.  
Zaeed fired at him with his rifle, but the rounds seemed to just bounce off of him. He switched weapons to his shotgun but it still barely slowed him down.  
"Why won't you just bloody die?" Zaeed yelled.  
The mutant was right on top of him when Zaeed heard someone yell out.  
"Badass! Over there!"  
"Got him!"  
Zaeed braced for his death when the giant stopped suddenly. He was encased in ice and his eyes the only thing moving. Then just as suddenly, he shattered completely as a red blur struck him in the back, then flew back where it had come from.  
Zaeed looked in the direction where the blur went and saw a woman standing there among the bodies of the attackers. The woman caught the blur and Zaeed realized it was a shield.  
"You must be Zaeed. Jack said you were coming. Thanks for the help. My name is Athena."


	3. Chapter 3

"So, could somebody explain to me just what the hell is going on? What is this place? Who were those guys?" Zaeed looked at his new companions and tried to get an idea of just what was going on. So far, he had crashed Shepard's Kodiak, been shot at, almost beheaded by a mutant, and still had no clue what he was doing here.

"So Jack didn't tell you anything? Typical," grunted the salt and peppered haired cyborg, Wilhelm. "We're here to look for a vault on Elpis, the moon."

"What's a vault? Is that why Jack keeps calling me a vault hunter? I told him I was a bounty hunter, not a vault hunter."

"Here, they are one and the same. A year ago, a vault was discovered on Pandora. It was rumored to be filled with riches and weapons beyond anybody's wildest dreams. However, when it was opened, the Destroyer emerged. It was defeated, but this strange element was released along with the creature. It's that large scar on the surface and pink cloud that you see on Pandora." Nisha stood from her seat, lifted the brim of her cowboy hat with the barrel of her revolver. "There was no treasure, no cache of weapons, nothing. Just the Destroyer."

"And what makes you this this other vault is any different? What if we find it, and just release another bloody monster? Sounds likes a fool's errand to me."

"Who are you calling a fool?"

Claptrap, who had been monitoring the transports readings, turned toward the bickering vault hunters. "Pardon me, vault hunters?"

"You, me, all of us. For taking this fucking job. This Jack bloke is bloody insane."

"We may have a problem here that requires your attention. Guys?"

Nisha had spun to face Zaeed and aimed her gun at his face. "Watch what you say about Jack. He's a goddamn hero."

Zaeed chuckled. "You think this is the first time someone has pulled a gun on me, girlie? I've faced Reapers as they tore up a planet around us. Look at my face. My own partner blasted a goddamn hole in my face. You know the difference between you and them, sweetheart?"

'What's that, sugar bear?" Nisha spat.

"They're all dead, by my hand. Admittedly, I had help with the Reapers, but dead all the same. And you are still alive, for now."

"Zaeed, Nisha! That's enough. We are just about to launch. Everybody just calm down." Athena had spoken.

"Aw. I was enjoying that. Wolf was too."

"Attention, Vault Hunters!"

"What?"

"We have a situation that needs your...Oh my God! We're being attacked!"

All of a sudden, a dozen psychos crashed through doors, the skylight and out of air ducts and surrounded the group. Shots rang out and they leaped to action. Zaeed pulled his favorite gun, Jessie, and killed one. Wilhelm's sentries Wolf and Saint materialized and went to work.

Even Claptrap got into the action, but it was strange. Zaeed looked on as a pointed wizard hat appeared on Claptrap's head and his weapon turned into a wand.

"What the fuck?"

Zaeed turned from the scene to prevent getting another headache and came face to face with Nisha's pistol.

"Never insult Jack again."

Zaeed froze. Nisha gave him a sadistic grin and fired.

Zaeed flinched and then realized that he wasn't shot. He turned around and saw a psycho had almost cut him with that makeshift ax. Nisha had saved him.

"You're a bloody lunatic, you are."

Nisha blew him a kiss. "Yeah, but you love me. Admit that and everything will be just fine."

Once again, Zaeed was asking himself the same question over and over again.

All of a sudden, the transport was shaking and pitching the passengers all over the place.

"Attention, Vault Hunters. It appears the transport was damaged in the fight. We are on a collision course with Helios Station. We are all going to die horrible deaths. Isn't it great?"

"Shit," everybody else muttered at the same time.


	4. Chapter 4

Zaeed regained consciousness with a massive headache. One from the transport crashing, luckily for everybody, through an open air dock and two, Claptrap was talking in the way that it always does, loud and extremely annoying.

"Hello, Vault Hunters! Thank you for answering Hyperion's summons. Unfortunately, Helios Space Station is currently under attack by insane Dahl forces. I have been authorized by Hyperion to welcome you to Helios Station by presenting you with this Heads-Up Display, free of charge. Follow me and I can take you to your contractor liaison"

Zaeed looked up and realized that it was not Claptrap speaking. It was a different robot that looked similar, but painted different.

"There's more of these things? Christ. And just what the fuck is a Heads-Up Display?" Zaeed pushed himself up

"How have ever survived combat and not know about the HUD?" snorted Wilhelm.

"I bet he doesn't even know about NewU." Cracked Nisha.

Zaeed turned his head between them. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Athena clapped him on the shoulder. "You'll see."

Zaeed looked at her in disbelief. He didn't understand anything about this place or what was going on. HUDs, NewU, it didn't make any sense. He shook his head and thought to himself.

 _"Can't believe that I'm actually starting to miss that son of a bitch, Vido. At least I understand him. Still hate the fuck-stick, but.."_

"This way. Jack needs your help." The claptrap unit was screeching.

"Alright, lock and load. We got a low level programmer to save." Athena ordered.

They made their way through the station following the Hyperion Claptrap. He was excitingly jabbering about robots and feeling pain. Zaeed wasn't really paying attention when a set of doors opened up and on the other side was an equally surprised trio of Dahl soldiers.

As guns started shooting, the first casualty was the Claptrap. Nobody cared. Zaeed and the rest made quick work of the soldiers and they continued on to the next room. Zaeed was the last to enter the new room and he was impressed. It was a large room with massive windows that showed them in orbit around the planet and it's moon above them. In the center of the room was large control station. Standing in the middle of the station was a man fighting off soldiers.

"Help! A little help here. Dahl jerkfaces got their murder on, so could you, oh I don't know, get rid of them or something? Please?"

Zaeed watched as, he assumed it was, Jack got knocked out by Dahl soldiers and they started kicking him. The team opened fire and killed them, saving Jack for the moment. More soldiers started pouring into the room. Zaeed split off from the group to flank the enemy.

The soldiers took cover and started firing at them. Zaeed circled around and came up from the side, taking one down. He ducked behind a group of crates for cover. He took the time to watch the others in action. They were good. He was too busy watching them that he didn't notice one soldier sneaking towards his position.

He popped his head up to take a shot and came face to face with the barrel of a huge shotgun.

"Bollocks" He muttered. "Shepard's gonna fucking kill me."

He heard the shot and felt a burning as chuck of his cheek went flying past his vision. This was it. He was dead this time for sure.

Then he felt pulled. Weird lights, colors and patterns flew past him and before his eyes. Then he fell to the ground. He pulled himself up and stood.

 _"Wait. I stood up? How am I standing up? I'm not dead?"_

"Get back out there, soldier. Death isn't an excuse."

He looked around and saw that he was no longer in the control room with the others. He was back in the hallway where they crashed into the station.

Confused as hell, he reached up to feel his face. He felt...nothing. The place where there should have been a huge gaping hole was his face, undamaged. Like it never happened.

"What the bloody hell just happened?"


End file.
